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Your two LTWCMB reps, Lawrence of Disarraybia and the Princess,
drove to the glamorous Monterey Bay area over Presidents' Day
Weekend to accept the plaudits of the Northern California Parade
Association. The awards ceremonies were not actually held on the
beautiful Monterey peninsula, neither at Asilomar, nor Pebble Beach
but at Spreckels, California. In keeping with this level of
sophistication and glamour, your reps stayed at the glamorous
Salinas Econo-Lodge, adjacent to a truckstop one block off Hiway
101, and only two blocks from a fine local Burger King eatery. The
evening's lodgings came to a cool $38.75, thanks to the helpful AAA
discount.
Sunday morning bright and early the Princess
discovered she had forgotten her panty hose, so Lawrence of
Disarraybia was dispatched across the Salinas desert. Foraging
through 7-11s and Mini-Marts, Lawrence finally found the treasured
attire.
The grand festivities and awards were to be
dispensed at the Spreckels' VFW hall on Fifth Street in down town
Spreckels (population 190). The announced "Reception"
hour was 10:30 until noon, with the grand "Tri-Tip and all the
trimmings" lunch at noon, followed by awards at 1:30. This
lunch isn't free---cost Lawrence and the Princess $15 each.
Lawrence arrived at 10:30 in mufti (polar-tec jacket and shades) to
reconnoiter and discovered the daughter of Jo-Jo the clown and half
a dozen higher-ups in the Parade Organization arranging trophies on
stage, and Jo-Jo inflating balloons and distributing DARE
information. The VFW bar was closed and no Bloody Marys were in
sight. Lawrence and the Princess departed, to return in costume at
11:30.
It was explained that to be eligible for trophies,
a group has to attend at least three of the 45 judged parades
sponsored by this organization. Their political control ranges from
Solvang to Yreka. It seems LTWCMB entered four of their parades
last year: St. Paddy's, Castroville, Redwood, and Columbus. Points
range from one for entering to five for overall parade winner. Our
other parades, etc. don't count toward points.
The
program listing clearly indicates that if you want to win trophies,
you ought to be kids and march, drill, carry flags, etc...do not be
a musical band. About 45 trophies went to the former and only 5 to
the latter. The muppets from the Salinas Liberty Bells won nine
trophies: first peewee marchers, first peewee march leader; first
junior marchers, first junior leader, first senior (16 yr olds)
marchers, first senior leaders, first flag group, first military
drill, and overall grand-gizmo sweepstakes five-foot tall trophy.
Similarly, San Jose Cherry Wood Safety Patrol and San
Something-or-other Girls Something or other each got four trophies.
The going got tough with the real oldtimers:
Seventy-year-old Jo-Jo the clown (with an inside track since he
donated some door prizes) beat out the inner-tube-wearing sailor
clowns for first trophy. First place in "open bands" went
to the 70-something year-old hot mamas second-line dancers and
dixieland band "Monterey Hot Jazzers". We were crushed,
but with tears in our eyes, dainty or virile (as appropriate) in
our day-glo fuchsia outfits, Lawrence of Disarraybia and the
Princess went forward to accept a glamorous SECOND place trophy for
LTWCMB for "open bands" (is this as in "open and
affirming"?). One group asked if ALL LTWCMB dressed as us,
another asked if Lawrence was in the Gay Ku Klux Klan, but no
matter...
To our amazement, we were called forward AGAIN
to accept a crummy piece of paper naming ARF as third (last) place
winner as drum major. ARF lost out to the Monterey and Seaside high
school band drum majors. The dozen door prizes ALL went to families
of the Salinas Liberty Bells and the sponsors. The fix seemed to be
in. The best door prize by far, even beating Jo-Jos donated balloon
sculpture, was a plastic Chivas Regal bottle half-filled with water
with two orange and white goldfish which swam around in the bottle.
This looked great until the battery ran down and the clock motor
stopped turning the magnet under the bottom of the bottle. The old
lady who won it was the organizer of the Salinas Liberty Bells and
she wouldn't trade her Chivas fish for our Second Place Trophy.
Lawrence and the Princess proceeded home through a terrible
rain-storm in the deserts of Gilroy and Morgan Hill.
(Signed) Lawrence of Disarraybia
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